Simultaneous orgasms don’t just have to be something you see other people do in steamy rom-coms or read of in erotic novels. If you and your partner are curious about how to achieve a simultaneous orgasm, it may be within reach if you communicate your desires and work together. 

Orgasming together not only feels great, but it can be rewarding for you and your partner, as well as your relationship. Learning how to orgasm together can be an enjoyable experience in itself as you discover more about your partner and build towards your happy (and explosive) ending.

With just a few easy steps, you and your lover can be on your way to a mutual climax. Here are some tips on how to achieve simultaneous orgasms with your partner.

The benefits of coming together

Having an orgasm not only feels great, but it can bring you closer to your partner and enhance your relationship. Achieving an orgasm relieves sexual tension and has also been associated with better sleep and relaxation. When a woman orgasms, her body releases oxytocin and prolactin – oxytocin is a “feel-good” hormone that is associated with stress relief, whilst prolactin is associated with sexual satisfaction – two factors that can help to create a good night’s sleep.1

Not only women can take advantage of these orgasm benefits. Men release oxytocin when they ejaculate too, meaning you both may feel more relaxed and less stressed.2 Furthermore, your partner can enjoy your orgasm as they may feel responsible for your orgasm and will be pleased that they have helped you to climax.3

Many women who value sex in a relationship think that having an orgasm is important, so if you’re both coming, it can help lead to satisfaction in this part of your relationship.

Slow him down

Some women find that they can’t achieve a great orgasm if their partner is too fast, so it’s a good idea to help him slow down. If your partner slows down, there is more time to focus on maximising your own sexual pleasure.3 This also gives you more opportunity to communicate to him about what you like, what you don’t like, and what he can do to help you achieve a better orgasm.

Since men tend to climax faster than women,4 it’s easier to help them slow down than it is to rush your own orgasm. For a better orgasm, try distracting him from his own climax. For example, take the focus away from his movements and concentrate more on what you need him to do to help you climax.

Focus on the clitoris

Some women can orgasm solely from sex, but others can only climax sexually from clitoral stimulation.4 The clitoris is a bundle of large nerves that is intimately connected to the vagina. This delicious bundle of nerves and vaginal tissue is highly sensitive and the centre of female sexual function and orgasm.5

The clitoris is ideally positioned to be stimulated by the penis during penetration, but the distance between the clitoris and vagina varies between women, which may explain why some women need more direct stimulation to climax sexually.4

If you need help to climax sexually, it’s a good idea to give your clitoris some attention. Whether it’s a light tap or a fast rub, clitoral stimulation might be just the thing you need to get you over the edge to reach an orgasm. If you need a helping hand, you can also ask your partner to stimulate your clitoris during sex.

Lube up

If you’re feeling uncomfortable, your orgasms will be harder to achieve. Lubing up can increase the quality of your orgasms and the time it takes you to orgasm as the feeling of being wet is a turn-on in itself – you feel ready for sexual stimulation and your partner can feel that too. Lube can also make sex more comfortable and reduce the chance of your condom drying out or breaking. Try using lube during foreplay to add to the initial excitement and prepare yourself for some mind-blowing orgasms.6

Durex Play Feel is a pleasure gel designed to make sex feel better. Simply place some gel over the penis or condom when it’s already on, for a smooth sexual experience. The gel can be used for oral, vaginal and anal sex. You can apply it directly to the skin, taking care to avoid broken or irritated areas and the eyes, and use it with natural rubber latex and polyisoprene condoms.

Throw in some sex toys

For a deeper orgasm, try adding a little buzz to your climax. Sex toys can be used to heighten pleasure for both you and your partner, bringing you closer to climax together. You can even go shopping for a toy together to build some excitement and find one that you both can’t wait to try.

 Disclaimer:

 This article is for general information only and not intended as a substitute for medical advice.

Always read the label and follow the directions for use. Reckitt Benckiser, Auckland. RB-M-105989.

References:

  1. Lastella M, et al. Front Public Health. 2019;7:33.
  2. Magon N, Kalra S. Indian J Endocrinol Metab. 2011;15 Suppl 3(Suppl3):S156-S161.
  3. Kontula O, Miettinen A. Socioaffect Neurosci Psychol. 2016;6:31624.
  4. Wallen K, Lloyd EA. Horm Behav 2011;59(5):780-792.
  5. O'Connell HE, et al. J Urol 2005;174(4 Pt 1):1189-95.
  6. Kennedy CE, et al. Sex Reprod Health Matters 2021;29(3):2044198.